Thin - a slam poem

I wish I wasn´t filled with these thoughts all the time.

The thoughts which constantly go from hating myself to not minding what I look like

and yet still not being comfortable in my own skin

minding every bite even if people tend not to care and not to notice yet I still do feel....ugly.

I wake up every day in the morning checking if I lost some of the weight I have on me after I ate in front of my friends and then stood in front of the mirror feeling disgusted with myself and shortly after that

skipping dinner and convincing my mother and even myself that I was full.

I went to bed every night seeing somebody else in the mirror than before

.....another person who is still as beautiful as when she was just a 5 year old little girl who didn´t even know what social media, models and society standards were.

I see that person who I always was and I see behind the picture because I remember the things I´ve done and the things I want to do and then I tdon´t hink about what I look like because what I look like is not really.....ME.

I wish you didn´t relate to this as much as you actually do.

I wish everybody was wiser than the things the media wants us to know and feel.

Yes I don´t have that gap between my thighs, flat stomach, long painted nails, hair falling on my chest touching my waist braided in so many ways that it feels totally uncomfortable, my face covered in make-up and acting like it was something we are supposed to be.

I am sorry if you think that it is a crime when you actually don´t feel disgusted with yourself.

I am sorry if I want to change these standard of flat girls actually starving themselves or being simply insecure every

minute they are surrounded by people. I am sorry if I want to replace hate with love.

And mostly I apologize if you don´t like the truth.

#beauty #society #anorexia